Placeholder: each paragraph of the article goes in its own <p> … </p> tag.

Second paragraph.

Consider the following exchange:

First student: Hey, man. What'd you do this weekend?

Second student: Not much... we went to Brooklyn. You know.

No, I don't know (and chances are good that I don't want to). So stop fishing for me to ask what an "eclectic" weekend you had. Because do you know what? You don't sound as cool as you think you do. You sound like another goddamn hipster Columbia student. (It's the sense I get.)

Why? Because when you tell me, "We went to Brooklyn," you haven't told told me anything.

This is because the phrase, "We went to Brooklyn," doesn't convey whether you cut lines with your feces-artist friend in his Bed-Stuy garret or crunched kale with your Lit Hum classmate's parents in their $3 million Park Slope townhouse. Both of those obnoxious possibilities are contained within the phrase, "We went to Brooklyn."

This is because Brooklyn is not a neighborhood. It is a borough.

So, please: shut up about "going to Brooklyn."

Kelly and Alex,

It is such a great thing that you may be moving to Brooklyn. You would love it. Eventually, you may wonder how you ever lived anywhere else — Harlem, Stuy Town, etc. It's just nice. (That's a really annoying thing to say, yes, but it's so true that I'm saying it anyway.)

Park Slope, located in central-south Brooklyn, is named for Prospect Park, on its east, and the gentle slope down from the park to 4th Avenue, its western border, beyond which is Gowanus and the canal.

Flatbush Ave is the northern limit, the other side of which are Prospect Heights, Fort Greene, etc. Park Slope's southern end is nebulous, but, basically, Park Slope proper ends at 9th St, and South Slope at 15th St. North Sunset Park (or "Greenwood Heights" as the realtors will tell you) begins at the Prospect Expressway.

Here are the naming conventions for streets and avenues: east-west streets with proper names proceed from Flatbush to Union St, the major east-west thoroughfare for North Slope. After Union are Carroll and Garfield, and then numbered streets that count south all the way down through Park Slope to Sunset Park and beyond.

North-south avenues count from from 4th to 8th, ending with Prospect Park West. The main commercial avenues are 5th and 7th avenues. 8th and 6th are quiet and noncommercial, for the most part, and 4th is industrial, loud, wide. (It's a major north-south Brooklyn auto route, and also carries the R train.)

Living at Garfield and 6th Ave, you would be in one of the most desirable parts of the neighborhood. Park Slope is generally considered more posh the farther north you go, until you get too close to Flatbush. (South Park Slope has some cooler bars, etc., but is generally more run-down.) It's also better to be farther from gritty 4th Avenue and closer to the park.

So, in no particular order, here is my guide to Park Slope (and surrounding environs). I'll probably write back with addenda, but wanted to get this to you now. Questions, comments, are welcomed. Welcome!

FOOD AND DRINK

Park Slope has many reasonable restaurants, well-priced and decent, and also a few very good ones. Here are some, in no real order. This isn't comprehensive, but they are I think some of the best places, and this will get you started.

—Al Di La: Really good Italian place. Not just a neighborhood spot but worth a visit. No reservations, but many tables, so not usually a problem for two. If you can't get a seat, but want to eat, you can go to their wine bar for less ambiance but the same food. North Slope on 5th Avenue.

—Talde: The other "good restaurant" in Park Slope. Fancy chef, some kind of Asian plus thing. I had a cocktail there once, but haven't eaten there. It's supposed to be good. South Slope on 7th Avenue.

— Nargi's: Excellent Uzbek place, where you get a ton of great food for a good price, and friendly service. North Slope on 5th Avenue.

— Geido: Friendly, family-owned sushi place up on Flatbush. Cheap sake and rolls, that are good on their own and great for the price. Highly recommended for a casual Wednesday dinner when you don't have plans and aren't looking to spend the world, but want to sit down for a while. Flatbush and 7th Ave.

—Rosewater. Excellent brunch. Top-quality, $17 pre-fixe. Can't really recommend enough. Often crowded. When it's nice out, sit on the porch surrounded by plants. On Union and 6th.

—Mokbar: Also on Flatbush, a great Korean spot. Slightly pricey, but large portions and good service. Flatbush and Bergen.

— Peppino's: Best pizza in Park Slope. You can eat in, and enjoy cheap Peroni on draft on red-checkered tablecloths, or order for delivery. A great compromise between fancy yuppie pizza and real Italian pizza. It's quality. South Slope on 5th Ave.

—Artichoke Pizza: Good yuppie pizza, open late. 5th Ave, just a few blocks south of the Barclays Center.

— Kulushkat: More pretty-good late-night food that predates the Barclays Center. Falafel. Dean St, just a few blocks south of the Barclays Center.

— Banhmigos: Get a banh mi here. North Slope, on 7th Ave.

— Song: This is where you get your pretty-good $13 pad Thai. North Slope/5th Ave

— Kos Kaffe: Good coffeeshop, with pretty good food. Not so well ventilated, but popular. Lots of seating. North Slope, 5th Ave.

— Konditori: Swedish coffee shop, less eating, less food. North Slope, 5th Ave.

— Bareburger: A little too family-friendly for me, unless it's nice enough to sit outside. But a strong offering of many great burgers and interesting beers. 7th Ave and 1st St.

— High Dive: Yuppie "dive bar." Free popcorn with an impressive range of seasonings. Extensive draft list. Modish decorations and new wave music. I like it. On 5th Ave just by you.

— Other bars... I don't drink all that often, but there are good cocktail spots, wine bars, etc.

— And many more....

PARKS AND RECREATION

— Prospect Park: Won't drone on about this, but Olmstead said it was his true masterpiece. Brooklyn's marquee park. Similar to Central Park in feel and arrangement, but smaller. Run or cycle around the 3.4 mi park loop. Sun yourselves in the meadow. Stroll aimlessly from major to minor path. Can discuss more. There are also other smaller parks around, in other neighborhoods would be the park.

— Prospect Park YMCA, 9th St and 6th Ave. This is the main neighborhood Y, where you can see the mayor. Weight room, cardio machines, steam and sauna, studios. Classes are included with membership, and they have some excellent yoga instructors ranging from new-agey relaxation to a really hard, focused workout. If you like yoga, this is how to do it without breaking the bank (I'm sure there are fancier studios, but I don't know the landscape). Membership is $70-something, but use your IDNYC or your Park Slope Food Coop ID for a discount.

— Park Slope Armory YMCA. Old armory turned into a Y. Running track, classes, studios, weight and cardio, but no locker rooms. You can visit this 10x per year on a Prospect YMCA membership, or signup for a Prospect-Armory bundle.

— Blink Fitness: This is new, on 4th Ave and Union St. I used to be a Blink member, and can vouch that it's the cheapest quality gym. Really great. (There's no Equinox in Park Slope, you'd need to go a neighborhood or two over in Brooklyn. There's a local gym on Union and 5th that I can't vouch for.)

— Beaches: More on this below, but there are three beaches you may reach in 45 minutes of transit.

GOODS AND SERVICES

— Park Slope Food Coop: I'm not quite sure that this shouldn't go under culture or recreation. Probably it should just have its own category. Bottom line is you need to join the coop. Not only will you get top-quality, interesting food at extremely low prices, you'll meet people. Great for networking and sourcing, since there's nowhere else I know of you can work a trash compactor on a team with a hedge fund manager and a transportation engineer. Sort of a whole thing. Yes, it's a little bit much, but everyone also makes fun of it. And if you join, you can vote against boycotts.

— Thrift: Beacon's Closet and Housing Works, two upscale secondhand shops on 5th Ave

— Lots of nice women's boutiques on 5th Ave

— Community Bookstore: for your lefty yuppie literary needs

— Greenlight Bookstore: slightly outside Park Slope, in Fort, Greene, but better selection

— Tarzian Hardware: Go to the hardware store for friendly service, nails, etc. Avoid Tarzian Housewares across the street, which is overpriced and crowded. On 7th Ave.

— Four Seasons Laundromat: Simon will treat you well. $1/lb wash-and-fold, and dry cleaning that's never let me down. Usually can do same-day if you drop laundry off on the way to work. Hardworking guy who's there 7a-7p six days a week. Love regulars. His shop is on 6th and 1st. (Don't bother with manual laundromats, it ends up being almost as expensive as Simon. But if you're in a rush, 7th Ave Laundromat on 7th and 1st is OK.)

— Associated Market. The best non-coop place to buy groceries. No beer. Good prices.

— Union Market. The place non-coop members spend three times as much on fancy groceries as members. Does have a nice breakfast special — $3 for large coffee plus muffin or croissant.

CULTURE

— Brooklyn Academy of Music. Art films, concerts, plays. First year of membership free with IDNYC.

— St. Ann's Warehouse. A little ways away, in DUMBO, but a great place for new theater.

— Free weekly concerts in Prospect Park during the summer. Lots of fun — bring a blanket, something to eat and drink, etc.

— Brooklyn Public Library: both the Park Slope branch by the 9th St YMCA and the Central library at Grand Army Plaza. Great selection of books and films. Free naturally. Some events that are worth it, and many that are awful.

— Barclays Center. Concerts, Nets and Islanders games, and I think maybe March Madness again this year. Discounted tickets with IDNYC.

— Local bars... often have local bands or standup. I'm not in this scene, but have enjoyed it when passing through.

— Brooklyn Museum. Unfortunately basically the museum of wokeness, paid for by ... us. But still some good stuff sometimes. Off Grand Army Plaza.

— Brooklyn Botanical Gardens: Border the park. Flowers etc.

— Much more that I'm not thinking of now...

TRANSPORTATION

— Subways. Park Slope has excellent subway access. If you're willing to walk 10-15 min, you will never have to transfer, unless you need the 7 train. At Atlantic Ave-Barclays Center, get the 2/3/4/5/B/Q/D/N/R. (If you're going to midtown, take the B/Q or D/N, which will let you skip most of Lower Manhattan. When the Q works, it's 20 min from 7th Ave to 14th St, and 30 min to Times Sq.) At Union St, get the R. At 7th Ave and 4th Ave-9th St, get the F/G. For a slightly longer walk past Atlantic, get the C at Lafayette.

— Citibike: Though the neighborhood is walkable from end-to-end, there are a lot of bike stands. Grabbing a Citibike can turn a 15-minute walk into a 2-minute coast down the slope. Drivers are much better than in Manhattan, and there are painted bike lanes on Union, 3rd St, and 7th Ave, as well as a protected bike lane on Prospect Park West that Chuck Schumer's wife sued in vain to stop. Citibike memberships run about $160, before discounts for an IDNYC and Citi-branded card. (For your own bike needs, Dixon's, on Union by the coop, has never treated me wrong. And I've been meaning to to go Bicycle Habitat, but never gotten there.)

— Buses. They run up and down 5th and 7th. Not sure where they go after that. I've only taken them a few times when they happened to pull up and it was raining. Otherwise I just walk.

— Airports. JFK is now your airport, probably. You can take the Long Island Rail Road from Atlantic Terminal to Jamaica Station and then the Airtrain to JFK in just under an hour. (If you're flying back in on a Sunday, get a half-off "CityTicket," which is an MTA discount for intra-city weekend travel on commuter rail.) Alternatively, take the A to Howard Beach, which saves you $10 each and can be faster depending where you departf from. ... If you must fly out of LaGuardia, a cab is unfortunately your best option, though sometimes I suffer through the N train to the M60, which takes about 70 min. Newark is a longer cab ride away and obviously heavily tolled via the Verrazano and Goethals bridges.

— The dread automobile. Many of those Car 2 Go Smartcars around, and also many Zipcar garages. Yet another IDNYC discount.

— Long Island Rail Road: Will get you from Atlantic Termianl to Long Island, I guess. Never been to the Hamptons but I hear it's nice.

NEARBY NEIGHBORHOODS, ETC

You will be surprised how many of your friends live within a 20 minute walk or short bike ride. And one my my favorite things about living here is seeing a friend on the street, or sometimes just calling one on my way home from work and then stopping by or having them by for dinner. This is much harder when it adds an additional subway commute.

— Within walking distance to the north are Fort Greene, which has great restaurants and other attractions, Prospect Heights, which has other nice stuff, where I now live. Up around Grand Army Plaza is Crown Heights. To the west is Gowanus, which has some cool stuff I can tell you about later, including cheap restaurants, breweries, etc. To the south is South Park Slope, where there is much to see, and Windsor Terrace.

— Downtown Brookyn, Brooklyn Heights, DUMBO are all a few train stops away. Williamsburg is 45 min away on the G train.

— On the other side of the park is Prospect Lefferts Gardens, etc.

— Down south, through Flatbush, you can take Ocean Parkway, the nation's oldest bike lane, all the way to the beach. Other beaches can be accessed via the Q train to Brighton or or via the 2 train to the Q-something bus, about 40 min to the Rockaways.

...

So that's what I have for now. There is much more!

Yes, the commute to Midtown (though not Lower Manhattan) is worse. But I truly believe you will have enough additional pleasure in life, both on the weekends and during the work week, so as to justify the ride.